So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Bring me that man meat
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
