he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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