I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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