Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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