I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
