If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
