She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just high enough for therapy.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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