if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
