She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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