let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
