just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize