i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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