All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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