don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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