I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dignity is for republicans.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize