I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
