This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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