hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
