she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
