I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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