What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
