we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
