we have officially lost it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
