go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
