Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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