your thong is hanging out like whoa
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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