Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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