whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
