it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
