It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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