Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
only you would photoshop your dick
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
