My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
