May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
