What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
