I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Alive.
So much puke
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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