I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
