yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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