So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
