I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
operation have a gay friend backfired
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
