Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
