Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
