They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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