like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
