Soap is not a condiment
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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