Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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