Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just high enough for therapy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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