hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
