not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
