Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
