This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize