My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
