so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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