i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
