Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
