MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
