So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
