Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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