I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
