I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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