he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize