I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
