he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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