Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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