He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
