I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
