the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
