I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
