I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
