In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
