He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
