My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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