He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
