i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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