I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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