Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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