We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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