My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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