We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
