I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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