She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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