This is not my ceiling
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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