Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
