Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
