I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Two words: blizzard sex
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
