Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
