im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
