I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
