Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
