If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
