Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
