yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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