Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
