I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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