i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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