My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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