I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I came so hard my ears popped.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
