Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize