So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
