jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
