Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
now i know why i became what i already was.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Can I color on your dick again?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
